me.lost.in.confusion

i think im scared....

2006-12-18T14:00:00.000+08:00

good noon love...

another boring monday. im feeling the blues again... and darn am i so sleepy... 2 more weeks and i be tendering my resignation. i just cant stand this annoying job and having to face two mean monsters daily really brings me down.. bored fuck now.. too much things need to be done yet im not able to do any cos im kinda sleepy now.. haha!! RELIEVED cos they're both on a business trip so wont be pissing me off this week... "come on vivi... just tahan till you get your paycheck..." god please help me...

smalam was fun... getting caught in the rain, walking around and dinner at arab st, smuggling some cheap ciggies in our bag, and walking from dhoby ghaut till orchard... tired but worth every min and penny of it... hehe. hmmm... i think what the people are saying to me ... its becoming true... but im totally brushing off the thoughts away... no more love in my heart... no more eu in my mind... i wouldnt wanna be stuck to my own friend... i like the way it is now... carefree, happy, single(lonely at times) but overall its pretty neat! my chest feels heavy now... help me... save me... haiz... me and my dream... "he is kinda idealistic in a way" "NO vivi... you cant!! he is your buddy..." things are better off this way... especially since i do not want to scare him away... i nid him to confide in... my buddy... yeah buddy it shall be... :(

those pictures we took... so "picture perfect" i like it ... and i hope he likes it too. shhhssshh diary... its jus between me and eu... secretly and discreetly im falling for eu... its wrong but it jus feels so right. complication jus sucks!! my fingers getting numb, my mind getting stale... time to leave now...

i love eu diary... i really do...

SIAN - ness!!!!

2006-11-09T13:21:00.000+08:00

mood : singing

hello baby...

1 more day to the fun-filled weekend. yay-NESS!
1)friday - gonna mitup SENTOL to discuss further arrangement on our clothing line, get some cheap goodies(it sure will please me & him, sleepover WATIK's place, maybe hanging out with the cuties from B.B...
2)saturday - morning dip at the local swimming pool with WATIK, dinner with my family late evening.
3)sunday - sleep+eat+tv = couch potato.

err.. i think i got a date on my birthday but its still not confirm though... bah!!!

its been a while since something "COOL" happen to me so i aint got much to say for now plus im stuck at work with nothing much i could do as my coy's server seems to be down(i pity JAGAN though, stayed till 3am on wednesday night). so here i am writing my thoughts away, hitting my fingers on the keyboard tabs and humming to myself to some old punkrock songs thats suddenly made my live more energetic like i was still 16(i wished!).

why do i always end up with argument with AZY? sometimes he just get on my nerves i admit but when i dont talk to him... i feel something missing cos im so used to being him around... its not that im having a major crush on him or anything... He is great i must say... you girls would die for a BF like him but i just cant seem to push myself to like him in any way... im still looking for my Mr Punkrocker... where art thou, Mr Punkrocker? wishing and hoping one day he will appear at my doorstep with his guitar to sweep me off my feet.

i've started my diet plan. okok i know baby... im a freak... but i just wanna look good and flash myself in those my-own-design clothings plus a great hairstyle which will surely sweep u guys away and send regrets to those who left me standing on my own now.. *grins* lalalala hohohohoh ... no more excess foods, no more unhealthy foods, no more junk foods...

one thing for sure, beauty kills my dear....

argh~

2006-11-06T09:20:00.000+08:00

mood : Pained

hey love... currently at work now. Monday blues again!! Im so over Hari Raya and its a record for me cos for the year 2006 i only visited a total OF 4 houses. By the way i've been staying at home alot these days and less partying. a Fcuk - up life i might say... with a pathetic job that i so need to quit. Neway staying home means gorging alot on food(which is bad!) and sleeping too... and i guess that is the reason why im having alot of dreams lately, involving ahmad and zahid in them...

haiz~ im gonna start on a strict diet, people are saying im fat. it jus sucks... but smsing with sentol yesterday night help me feel better about myself. thanks dude i appreciate it & to azy also for making me feel better about myself. i just have to let the hunger linger in me for now.

By the way, i saw uncle yesterday and he look so so FAT... and he aint as cute as before... maybe his anorexic gf been gorging him food instead of herself... teehee~

ZOUKOUT around the corner baby... and oh ya its the month of november so it means im turning 22 this 21st Nov 2006. Yup! older means wiser.. *i hope* i've gotta tone my body down by 9 Dec 2006 by the way!!!!

i've gotta run now! peace!

melancholy

2006-10-16T18:48:00.000+08:00

mood: pained

evening dearest,

my office hour routine just ended @ 630pm... stress and more stress.. stoopid KECH just wont seem to get off my back and seem to be harping on me, every min of the day.. FCUK u by the way... ok² enuff of my crappy work. let's get on to other important stuffs... "lovely" mr Mark offered me an irresistable offer... 1mth overseas attachment @ Bangkok, Thailand which is yet to be confirm though. im crossing my fingers... i so need to get away from Singapore.

weird dream i had yesterday....
it seems so vivid and clear but yet i cant seem to recall exactly what my dream was.. but its was "ahmad" in the picture. it kinda make me ponder over why am i thinking or dreaming about him... issit bcos i miss him? or issit bcos i did feel for him? the answers i cant seem to find it myself... Darn~

visited zahid & jez "love blog".... errr~ im so envious of them i must admit...
well, DONT blame me!! He is the closest guy i ever met on earth that comes even close to replacing "ajul".... no one else ever did... somehow it was a deep impact on me when he abruptly left, without even saying goodbye.

im hurt,
im lost,
im confuse,
i need help...

dearest, i just hope when i wake up tomorrow morning... it be a brighter day instead of this hazy/gloomy/blue monday...AMIN

finally im done!!!

2006-10-14T22:59:00.000+08:00

mood: prettygood

huha dearest,

its the 22nd day of Ramadan, a hazy saturday with PSI:115.
finally, i've completed my blog reconstruction... a new layout i created with the help of "Adobe Photoshop".... something that reflect the true side of me. the angst that has been so well hidden by me all these while...

this week has been a total blast, here goes;
MONDAY: dinner at pizza hut with "watik", a short walk @ esplanade, whining about how boring our friends/life were".
TUESDAY: met up "idalia"+"azy", had free dinner @ Thai Express.
WEDNESDAY: short trip to Geylang with "Ameen", kinda boring though.. damn!
THURSDAY: supposedly to meet "Home" @ Pasir Ris but he M.I.A, instead "me+Yan+Sentol" chillout @ McD Tampines.
Friday: free dinner @ Newton with "Faizal+Watik+Wak+Me+Bobby", cruising ard Sg in a "Proton Gen2", visited Labrador Park+JurongHill Park+West Coast Park.
Saturday: wokeup @ 2pm, edited my blog, watched Prison Break, mini-treat dinner for my family, chilling @ the comfy of my room.
Sunday: Shee-shaing & free dinner @ Al-Majlis with "Yan+Watik+Sentol+Me", cam-whoring.

my grey sky are clearing and i hope things be as sunny as before by 2007. by the way here's a shot i took of myself on friday the 13th...

its been so fcuking long time since i blog...

2006-10-12T14:44:00.000+08:00

huha~

my blog has been around for so long but somehow it jus collected dust... but thanks to watik, i've decided to pick up this hobby... teehee~

okok im near to 1/4 done for the whole revamp of this page... i new to create a new layout using photoshop(even though my pc like fucking suxs!!) & i need to be more bold in expressing my thoughts... no more hiding or two-face fucker... okok i got tons of work to clear... i be back with a total new page... i promise...

past news

2005-06-12T01:32:00.000+08:00

mood : pained

hola~
finally im having the time to jot down my thoughts.

need to update my blog,
need to upload my pics,
need to edit my pics,
need to find the missing piece in my life.

im so over the graduation fever,
and im gonna post below two pics,
something i design,
something simple yet glamourous,
YAH RITE~ BAH~

my life is playing like a film without sound right in front of my eyes

why do i still feel so lost??
why do i still feel so scared??
why do i still feel pain??
why do i still feel empty??

im starting to like you,
but i keep telling myself not to,
im scared that i might fall for you,
dont wanna be stuck on you....

wonderful weekend

2005-06-01T12:53:00.000+08:00

mood : pretty good

i know... i know...
everyone is either pestering me to update my blog or upload the pics to my blog.
im sorry to all you people who been waiting for it... im just too busy lately and also because im using dialup, that makes it slow for uploading. neway i had total madness during the weekend and here are some pics im gonna share with you people.

enjoy it!
tell you more in details what actually happen in my next post.
peace!

usual night

2005-05-15T01:30:00.000+08:00

mood : harried

finally i came to a conclusion. i am going to quit my current job on June 20th 2005. Its not that i wanted to but i have to. I have my dreams... and i need to achieve it. it was fun working with you people for 8 mths im sure gonna miss you guys!
im just so drained out having work in f&b line for 4 years. i need a break. and i sure need a good holiday too. so im gonna take a break from school and work.... im just going to enjoy my holiday with my friends. yippee!! endless madness!! bah!

i think i really need to save up once im starting working coz i tot of visiting my aunt in New Zealand. i kinda miss her, especially katalina and raymond too.

gonna get my olympus digicam this payday i hope. im crossing my fingers!

p.s: fuck off mr or miss loser!!! you know who ;)

heartcore

2005-05-04T01:46:00.000+08:00

mood : tired

as i ponder through this lonely life;
my mind float as i start to wonder;
why are my nights fill with thunder;
only to wish i was much more happier....

since the day me and ajul ended our 3 years love+hate relationship, it seems nothing is going my way. when i just pick myself up from the bruises of love i ended up getting more bruise.

fuck ~~love.~~
fuck ~~life.~~
fuck ~~me.~~
fuck ~~you.~~

im already tormented. nothing i do make me smile or laugh like before.
this suck, i really hate it!

he calls me everyday nowadays... always complaining about his girlfriend. my ear burn hearing those words from his mouth but i just cant help myself of being a shoulder to cry on. i loathe those moments yet i still want more from him.
maybe i still love him. maybe i just miss him.

met him the other day. i came all the way from home to his hometown. took a long bus ride, memories started flowing in,i reminisce those moments i had with him.
gawd!!! it suck, it really do!

i was suppose to wait for him at the bus stop opposite century square but thanks to me of being a smart ass, i waited for him at a wrong bus stop. saw him from afar and the next thing i know, i got a middle finger from him for being so dumb. haha! fuck!
then we walk around tampines mall. it felt kinda awkward since i haven met him for like 3 months. tried talking as per normal but i just cant help showing that i was darn nervous. guess he felt it and i felt it too. bought for him a big mac burger and we went straight to starbucks coffee. i had my usual while he had his. it was on me though. there we started our conversation. i had 6 or 7 cancer sticks continuously. he was kinda worried seeing that i was so stress up. i ask questions that i always wanted to know while i told him what i felt. only till now then i know why i still feel for him. ....

mohd adila bin darus..... you just have a way with me. you can really make me smile and you can really make me cry. i go weak around you, as if my knees were made up of jelly - o. the way u speak right through my heart. the way u understand me even without im saying anything to you. the way you control our game and the way of you being you and im being me when we are around each other. it really felt right even though i know its wrong.

finally i came to a conclusion.
i didnt want to lose him.
i still need him.
so i asked him to be my bestfriend.
bestfriend with benefits.

his favourite quote " the point is that ... bla bla blah"
haha.. corny yet so cheesy but yet i still love it!

p.s: i hate you so much it make me sick it make me rhyme but i hate myself for not hating you not even close, not even little bit, not even any at all.

no matter what happen i will be here for you.
as a friend, as a person and as an ex-gf who still care for you.
if things between you and your gf goes all the way, i be glad.
if it dont.... you know who to find... ME your bestfriend.

im a pretty strong girl and i know i will be fine.

2005-04-20T01:14:00.000+08:00

mood: distressed

i miss someone.
we had a great talk the other day.
the feeling in my heart i jus cant erased.
do i still feel for him?
or i just miss him?
im confused....
help me plz any1?

uncle piss off with me.
who should i believe?
i did alot for him.
did he appreciate it?
i dont know.
i miss hanging out wit him.
i really do.
wished he know i felt.
wished he walk this road with me.

i hate this feeling it makes me all messed up and confused.
maybe i will find peace when im confused or hope when im let down....

physically sick

2005-04-06T15:31:00.000+08:00

mood: pained

im in pained. not mentally but physically.
cant talk too much coz my throat is sore.
puke blood today morning. guess i had too much to drink.
the throat is really killing me.. argh!!!

neway, had fun last saturday.
got drunk wit my girlfren. oops!
met some new "friends". yucks!

guess wat?
finally i've chatted with "mann"
kudos to me! yiippee!!
quite nice boy i mus say. :)
for a cute looking face.

should i snip2 my hair away soon ???
or should i wait coz i've got 1 or 2 mths to graduation.???
~~HELP ME ANYONE??~~

i dont think i wanna go bintan anymore.
somehow i rather keep that cash for my digicam.
for future uses in BALI
somehow the feeling for rahmat is fading.
i ask myself but i cant seem to find the answer.
~~"ONLY TIME WILL TELL~~

maybe i dont really like you;
maybe i rather haf you as my friend;
maybe my mind was confused;
maybe i am in denial....

in.love

2005-03-29T17:22:00.000+08:00

mood: prettygood

i think im in love with two guys.....

jon or hunter????

tired.self

2005-03-29T16:33:00.000+08:00

mood : tired

an updated version of my new blog.
hope my mates like it. peace.

if my archive aint working, forgive me.
i'll fix it up soon. i promise

busy working lately. aint got time for myself.
made my international passport. im smiling.
saw hadi just now. made me smile again.
haven seen rahmat for a while. kinda miss him.

but for a nite of madness around him last week.
pretty much worth it. never fail to make me smile.

aliff bbq this saturday. im going wit rahmat.
need to get new sandals, new slipper, new perfume.

fuck im gonna be broke again! darn!

madness!!!!

2005-03-28T01:55:00.000+08:00

mood: singing

previous week was a total BLAST!!! it was a pure bliss.

monday : chalet at pasir ris downtown east
tuesday: chalet at pasir ris downtown east
wednesday: chalet at pasir ris downtown east; home sweet home
thursday: work
friday: work
saturday: work
sunday: work

tell you more in detail on my next entry.
my mind is blocked now.
need to crash.

nite.love.muackz

what are my dreams???

2005-03-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

mood : Pained

1. woke up at 10.35am
2. brush teeth, had tea
3. sweep my room
4. clean the stove
5. sweep the kitchen
6. mop the kitchen
7. bath at 2.35pm
8. clean the bathroom
9. iron clothes
10. 3.45pm went out
11. went to library, return bali guide book.
12. board train towards jurong east
13. saw a c.c.g in the train
14. ate ice-cream
15. visit my uncle in singapore general hospital
16. 8.15pm head home, freeride on the lorry
17. 9.00pm watch my fav chinese drama, "you're the one"
18. 10.30pm watch "lkhlas"
19. i feel sad, i miss someone
20. now im online, guess im lonely

everyone has their own dreams. without any dreams, life is pretty meaningless. what is my dream?

well... i longed for a GREAT vacation somewhere far away from singapore.
where i can just walk on the sandy beaches.
when i can stroll along hand in hand taking shots of old antique buildings.
where i can breath in the clear, clean air.
where i can watch the sunrise by the beach.
where i jus let the sunrays warm my face.
where i can feel the wind blowing in my ear.
where i can be with you.
where we can enjoy yourselves like there is no tomorrow.....

but....

there is no one to share my dreams.

suddenly i feel lonely
suddenly i feel like disappearing
suddenly i feel down
suddenly i wish i am not me....

i miss you but do you miss me?
i need you but do you need me?
i like you but do you like me?
i want you but do you want me?

patient is a virtue but there is a limitation for everything....
if u ask me... i wouldnt even know it also...

this.is.what.i.do.when.im.bored

2005-03-16T02:07:00.000+08:00

mood : distressed

look at me im such a bore;
especially when my heart is in sore;
here is something i create;
for those who are my mate.

+true love+

+smoking kills+

physically handicapped

2005-03-14T13:52:00.000+08:00

mood : tired

my eyes are heavy,
its all swollen and puffy,
i need my rest,
or i end up in a mess,
my head is spinning,
i feel like vomitting,
i need to find my ammunition,
well cigarettes are my medication.

lack of sleep causes my brain to disfunctioned. my body is aching. my mind is lagging. i need more rest or i might evolve into a zombie (which i think im already am). maybe i should go for a massage. maybe i work too much. maybe im going crazy. maybe im better off dead. maybe god can help me. maybe YOU can help me.

supa dupa...

2005-03-09T14:39:00.000+08:00

mood : pretty good

finally im back;
but what the heck;
im happy and single;
free to mix and mingle.

its been a while since i last update.
Busy, got busy and more busy.
Been outta LOVE.
Back in LOVE.

The past weeks was marvellous.
Fun, had fun and more fun.
Dancing, drinking, flirting.

A. My aunt(ramsah), daughter(tracy) & friend(Kate) came to visit from downunder(New Zealand).
B. Went drinking, dancing at ~~PARADIGMZ~~ SUCKZ!
C. Broke off with ~~OZZIE~~ & i HATE him now.
D. Got closer to HIM & LOVING HIM.
E. Introduce him to the family.
F. HE had dinner at my place.
G. Celebrating HIS birthday on 10 March 2005.
H. Bought Dorothy Perkins clothes.
I. Hanging out more with his friends.
J. He said i look gorgeous for ONCE.
K. Make out with my fling. oops!
L. Went bugis with HIM, huda, bud C.C.G, fairul.
M. SHAH and JOHAN = couple
N. Chalet on 21, 22, 23 March 2005.
O. OZZIE has new girlfriend.
P. Im still SINGLE.
Q. Huda + Vivie = MADNESS!
R. Extreme Makeover on 10 March 2005.
S. Graduation here i comes.
T. Dream vacation ME + HIM = BALI.
U. Gave me a pic of HIM.
V. My family likes HIM.
W. I like HIM more.
X. HE is CUTER by the day.
Y. HE is irresistable.
Z. i want HIM + i need HIM.

help me answer this questions please.

1. LOVE or LUST?
2. TO LOVE or BE LOVED?
3. GIVE or TAKE?
4. EGO or CHEATER?
5. PRETTY or CUTE?
6. HUG or KISS?
7. MIND or HEART?
8. IN LOVE or OUTTA LOVE?
9. NECK or SHOULDER?
10. WANT ME or NEED ME?

p.s: OZZIE if you happen to read my entries... this song is for you. :)

Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah Yeah
Since you've been gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone

How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

How come I never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone

2005-02-07T13:30:00.000+08:00

mood : singing

its monday today... but guess wat im not feeling all ~~blue~~ or anything or anymore.

im smiling!!

maybe because i was having a great time during the weekend. it was fun! im so glad it was. me+uncle+bedal+faizal went drinking that wonderful saturday. ahakz~ so much for the dare i came up with. :) got a bit tipsy but i still aware of what was going on around me.~~i think i even held his hand... oopps!~~

its been a while since i felt like this. i think i prefer things like this. i think i already made up my mind. im just waiting for my cash to be returned and do not worry my dear... i wont bother you no more. i think you be better off without me. just wanna thank you for the times we spend together. somewhere in this head of mine i will store the images of us together, before.... im sorry

yeah!!! im gonna start saving my cash! i've got plans this december. i wanna save the money for my dream vacation. either bali, koh samui or bangkok. its gonna be great coz i will be with the dudes n dudettes. :)

p.s:to all chinese acquaintances.... HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR & HAPPY HOLIDAY!!!

smiling....

2005-02-02T16:31:00.000+08:00

mood : pretty good

its a long tiring wednesday. finally i've completed my two assignment... 3 cheers for me!! another 2 more days to friday, i be sleeping over at gf's house and going to her birthday bbq bash over at east coast park on saturday.

~~im crossing my fingers, pray that everything will be well..~~

uncle will be there. im smiling :)

i wished u would be there but your busy schedule seem to mismatch everything i've been planning for :(
the title between us is erased already. we are friends.... temporary... thats what ~~you~~ say. but i guess its better this way rather than i keep on dwelling on the things you do and say to me.

im still loving you here dear;
im still waiting;
praying for the day for you to return;
with my arms wide open

maybe

2005-01-31T13:11:00.000+08:00

mood : harried

depression kills my soul. im lost.

god help me.
my mind is slowly dying.
im already mentally unstable...
maybe, i be better off dead.
maybe its time for me to go.

ako STRESS!!

2005-01-25T14:58:00.000+08:00

mood: distressed

i really feel like screaming out loud but i cant even breath a word. my life seem to get worse day by day. i really feel so sick! my nose is blocked, my head is heavy, my pocket running dry. im left wit 10 bucks till my payday. i've got bills to pay plus i wanna get ~~you~~ a gift.

my outgoing calls and outgoing smses have been barred!!! FUCK YOU STARHUB!! i own them like 175 bucks... gotta fucking settle it soon or my line gonna get terminated soon haiz~~~

your far away from me;
and i miss you so;
wish you were here with me;
coz i love you so...

maybe i might consider going to IMH for depression treatment. hmmm...
if there were a rusted blade in my hand, i would rather slit it across my wrist and let the blood run through my fingers coz i dont feel any pain anymore

you.still.make.me.smile

2005-01-19T13:56:00.000+08:00

mood: singing

for the crazy+mean+loving guy i ever knew... adi

Distance may be keeping us apart;
Time may not be on our side;
But my love for you will always been in my heart...

its funny reminiscing the past. all the pain i had to went through was in fact worthy of tbe pure bliss im experiencing now. i was there, he was there... guess fate had brought us together. Never expecting a love so strong between us.

dear, thank you so much for your willingness to listen to my heartsay, it just make my love for you stronger. Although u tend to be harsh on your words, i know deep down you love me dearly. Maybe you are just scared that i might take advantage of your soft-hearted soul.

Seriously, im missing you with each click on this keyboard. I long to see that smily+dorky face of yours. You never fail to make me smile even when your words break my heart. Somehow... you know what to say and when to say it, DAMN YOU FUCKA! :p You just have a way to my heart.

p.s: if you happen to read this, FUCK! you gonna think im super EMO.. hahaah!!
but still, i dont care what you think as long you loves me... :)

Wee~~~

change

2005-01-13T15:24:00.000+08:00

mood : pretty good

to my dearest acquaintances, here is a newer version of my blog. enjoy blogging!!!

my.life.story

2005-01-12T16:36:00.000+08:00

mood : tired

Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide.
And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your loves always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.

i dont know why but each time i listen to the song above, somehow it gave me strength. erasing the doubts i have in ~~you.~~ sometime i wonder whether all these were meant to be? or just another one of my passing clouds. i pray everyday hoping this aint the same... i cant afford another heartbreak. im just glad that you are here with me yesterday, tomorrow and the days to come+++ amin~

someday

2004-11-11T11:28:00.000+08:00

mood : harried

How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed
And try turn the tables

I wish you'd unclench your fists, and unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
But don't think it's too late

Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Well I'd hope that since we're here anyway
That we could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up staying
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror

Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)

[Solo]

How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror

Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when

im disappearing from your world uncle...

IM SORRY

happy.happy.joy.joy

2004-11-08T11:10:00.000+08:00

mood : pretty good

saturday:-
well, been a couple of days since i last blog. lotsa things happen lately. im kinda having a mix feeling inside me. neway, on sat me and idalia went sheeshaing at al-majlis. i ate crispy chicken while she had half roasted chix. it was quite nostalgic when i started to think of the past. the times when i was always there wit the "kids". ~~the cool one~~ NOT!!! ahakz~ then later in the evening uncle came after breaking fast, ard 9++. he ate sirloin steak, it certainly look and tasted good. yum~ uncle loves to eat for free... heheh took several shots from our phones. but the 4 multishot in one pic was nice. damn nice~ e sequence goes like this....idalia, rahmat, me, me+rahmat. we took the last train home and uncle followed the north line. so sweet of him seh :)

sunday:-
woke up early at 9++, get dressed quickly, went to mine's salon... at chinatown to have a new hairdo. my hair is colored now, plus a new funky hairstyle. :) then wanted to play cs but cancelled coz went to mit uncle and bedal at peninsula. went window shopping then he keep tugging my hair. irritating seh!!! argh~~ finally, we went to ikea to get some stuff. uncle can be cheeky at times but he tries not to be in front of me... i dont know why. neway, i found my old friend faeza used to like him. so funny cant help myself luffing. then got this colleague of him at work likes him too. im jealous... but i cant say anything coz he is not mine.. :( she even call him darling!!! :( mane bole seh... dia kan vivie punya.... :( but who cares, at least we still friends rite?

money.money.money

2004-11-01T11:15:00.000+08:00

mood : anxious

bad news guys... my home pc is down. my stupid MONITOR wont seem to start... wont be blogging often for a while n no updates for my layout till i get a new screen. neway, im gonna get a digi cam soon, nikon 3200. :) cant wait!! yeah!!! im beginning to get pissed with certain people in my life now. i wont mention ~~names~~, but please GET a LIFE!!!! stop COPYING other people work and the way you think and speak. dont act like you are one of us when you are not. here are 5 examples of why i think YOU suxs big time!!
1. u're dressing like us
2. u speak like us
3. u edit pics like HIM
4. u r 1 of those into hiphop + surfbabe
5. u're the ~~decent nonsense~~ but act WILD

im beginning to get disgusted by you...

geylang.sipaku.geylang

2004-10-29T18:47:00.000+08:00

mood : singing

yeah yeah!!! me,the dudes n dudettes are gonna walk around geylang today... can check out clothes, DUDES, ~~mats, minahs~~,and FOODS!!!! zubir bringing the digi cam so i hope be able to snap some cool pics n ALIFF i hope you bring the cable along... *cross my fingers* cheerio my lads... :)

probs.probs.more.probs

2004-10-28T13:38:00.000+08:00

mood : harried

i really feel like quitting school and getting a full-time job. there's lotsa bills to pay and i really need to help my family. WHY must the economic downturn happen at this point of time in my life. WHY cant it be when im older and stabler? god, answer me WHY! this is giving me headache and leaving me with choices that i have to make soon... should i give up a course thats like left only 6mths and let a HIGHER NITEC IN IT be wasted??? or just be strong and pass this hurdle that im facing... maybe next year when i get a full-time job, im gonna get a diploma in IT majoring in MMT and if possible get an advance diploma. if god's will, i wanna get a degree in a university abroad. i always wanted to be the best in what i do!! alhamdulilah~ that i've got a job already soon after my departure in PIZZA HUT. byebye pizza hut, hello THAI EXPRESS. at $5 per hr this is one of the best paid job i got so far, and if my appraisal for the coming months is good i can get paid at $6 or $7 per hr. isnt that great?? so lets pray for the world my lads~~~ may tomorrow be a better day than today.... amin

love+peace

laugh.my.heart.out

2004-10-28T02:11:00.000+08:00

mood: oops!!

there's a saying that curiosity kills the cat...
but assumption is far better worst...
i remember when you say that its best that we dont assume when we dont have any hard evidence to prove someone is guilty. i remember that. but i guess its you that have been assuming too much... ahakz~ I PRAY THAT YOU DONT LAST was something i created on monday when i was just damn bored, it has nothing associated about you. bout the hating you part.. did u catch my words right? excuse me, i nvr did HATE you and never will, its a promise i kept. i moved on already, don you worry about me at all... im fine with my own AVERAGE life, with my own AVERAGE friends. i DELETED you already.the ~~epilogue~~ of our book have already been completed. take care my dear lad~

peace.out

monday.i.hate.you

2004-10-25T12:21:00.000+08:00

mood : distressed

monday i hate you,
monday i feel so blue,
monday i hope it'll pass,
monday i pray you dont last...

my body is aching due to the heavy work i did yesterday. my eyes are heavy as im typing this entry. im at the office actually, bored as usual. meeting gf later for shopping spree. i think my tummy is grumbling.. hehe!! i better move my ass now before ~~charles~~ see me doing nothing... wee~~~

thank.u

2004-10-24T01:57:00.000+08:00

mood : pained

everything been spilled... i'll delete u from my memory. enough said n done already.
i hate u so much, it make me sick it make me rhyme, but i hate myself for not hating you, not even close, not even little bit, not even any at all this is the best advance birthday present i ever had... thanks to ~~YOU.~~

me.smiling

2004-10-24T01:32:00.000+08:00

mood : pretty good

its already been 10 days of fasting in this holy month of ramadan. raya is coming, new year is coming and the biggest is ~~MY BDAE~~ is coming. seriously, i am not looking forward to these festive seasons. here are my 10 reasons.....
1. stupid attachment
2. wrong timing
3. super broke
4. oversized baju kurung
5. jobless soon
6. getting old
7. lesser friends
8. im still single
9. missing you
10. ~~YOU~~

but still, im having a chalet for my bdae!! e dudes are organising one for me... :)
only this year im accompanied by friends. neway uncle, u're getting cuter by the day. im so mesmerized by U, even though u dont talk much but i know u got a heart of gold. hehe!! can u be my ~~SUPARMAN!!~~ ahakz. im my dreams...

alrighty, ;)

boring.friday.zesty.saturday

2004-10-23T13:23:00.000+08:00

mood : comfortable

well, another ~~great~~ saturday, at work now just chilling, nothing much to do except for ~~ACCOUNTS~~. going to break fast later with uncle mamat, idalia dearie, faizal n wan. we're going to have a sumptuous feast tonight!! neway, i saw YOUR FRIENDS yesterday.. at starbucks coffee OB. I was hoping u were with them but guess luck wasnt on my side. haha! yesterday, me and idalia went for supper at somerset hawker centre, ate ~~fried oyster omelette~~ in the rain....
made some friends and one guy was exceptionally cute. :) saw another target in the train and he was smiling at us. so much for a boring friday. cheers for now!!!

my own updated blog!!!!

2004-10-21T17:11:00.000+08:00

mood : settled

finally, somehow i managed to change the layout of my blog. its been a while since i updated... but no worries guys, im sure gonna do more designing and add more stuffs in my blog... by any chance do anyone know how can i get a free web server? i really need one rite now... so any comments or wanna leave ur link do it at my shoutout aite! thanks peepz! rock on!!!!

love+peace,
vivie

leaving.me.here.to.bleed.again

2004-09-21T09:45:00.000+08:00

lotsa things haf happen lately.... busy at work and all i do everyday is jus to chill around or walk around on my own.... im just so sorry for the misunderstanding we had... and im sorry to myself for feeling tis way again... i had jus began to walk but now i've stumble upon my BEAUTIFUL DARKEST STAR. i haf to pick myself up again.... but why must my life be full of complication when im such a simple person. plz god help me solve tis thing soon... either ME OR YOU haf to make a choice.... if u want to stay prove to me or i will just disappear from ur world... i jus been too much pain and i cant bear wit it anymore... im sorry if i was being selfish...

i.still.love.you.anyway

:(

working.class.youth

2004-09-15T15:28:00.000+08:00

man... been ages since i updated... i think nearly 2 freaking weeks. was kinda caught up wit my part time job, skool projects and frenz... did lotsa shopping e past few weeks. went shopping wit rahmat, followed him highlite his hair, went shopping wit idalia, lepak wit rahmat,his cuz,his cuz bro,his cuz fren and lastly my bestest girlfriend .....idalia. neway i went to watch BOTB last sunday at paradigmz... 10 bands were selected for the semifinal but only 4 bands were allowed to go to the final and 2 wildcard which i do not know who... neway i went coz i wanted to support PAINTINGS OF VICTORY.. my fren, shahrul's band... his band was magnificent coz e songs were so hypnotising and relaxing except that they were too nervous and did some mistakes which distrupted them from entering the final... dont worry dudes u guys did well.. there is always other competition.. and never say DIE!!
neway attachment started for me already and im starting to feel wat is it like to be working in the outside world... man im so deadbeat.. yawnz~~~ adious amigos!!!

i.love.and.miss.u.always

v1v1er1na \m/

sunday.has.always.been.boring

2004-08-30T14:43:00.000+08:00

as usual ar... morning late to work, worked till 5 plus... met nura n sheila.. go lepak wit em for a while then went to my cousin house.. to chill while i watched tv.. havent been updating for a while... buzy these days.. neway went to e gig at esplanade yesterday... "BAYU" was quite nice wit a cute guitarist.. hehe :p then went to watch stone revivals also... i loike e last song... it goes "wont u, wont u stay.." quite nice ar... i was out wit bella n later on with... rahmat.cutie... ahakz... ok lar .. here something i got from e quiz at quizzila... enjoy ;)

Emo! You're very in touch with your emotions and
that's what I like about you! It's all about
the music for you... I have pity for your
tortured soul...you're just like me...

What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

a.new.me

2004-08-25T00:22:00.000+08:00

finally, a new hairdo.... now i certainly look more decent and younger... hahaha haven been updating for a while ... kinda busy and stuffs... projects deadline coming... workin n working... now im class... im kinda embarrass bout my hair though.. its like so short and its been ages since i had short hair... hehehe gtg for now... be updating soon

peace.love
v1v1eR1nA

a.white.lie

2004-08-20T14:25:00.000+08:00

u should have known betta,
than to think i would leave,
u should have known betta,
than to doubt me leave :(

sometime.lying.is.best.for.us.to.move.on

hug from behind - you like to feel what the other
person is feeling and see things how they see
them. you tend to be serious and emotional.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

make.the.same.mistake.twice

2004-08-20T04:00:00.000+08:00

From throat and eyes came winter and reasons
Im told to carry on
Sad overwhelms my senses drown oh I feel dependent
The feeling that you are honestly gone
I cant shake it...

Make the same mistake twice
Burst of red and green all over me
Brings the things that she will love
I should let it form over

We count the days left, 23
And all I know
Honestly, could I be protected
With you suddenly gone
The feeling that you are honestly gone
I cant shake it...

Make the same mistake twice
Burst of red and green all over me
Brings the things that she will love
I should let it form over

Make the same mistake twice
Burst of red and green all over me
Brings the things that she will love
I should let it form over

Make the same mistake twice
Burst of red and green covering me

close.ur.eyes.n.think.of.me

2004-08-19T14:41:00.000+08:00

tiring day today... wake up early and started video shooting... kinda funny ar coz im like the "lead" thks to aliff but i "hope" hadi will be able to help me in the shoot... gonna be great if he is around. nid to go to skool tomorrow and i'll be working in the evening.. confirm busy ar! aiyo... weekend is jus around e corner... and tis saturday im gonna go window shopping wit my darl.idalia!!! yeah!!! nid to buy new stuffs coz the old ones r already worn out... nid cash though... ;) if only money fall from the sky ... dream on i guess..
im.taking.back.everything.coz.im.moving.faster.than.u.think

hello.there.the.angel.from.my.nightmare

2004-08-19T03:15:00.000+08:00

my.dream.guy

1.You will marry him and produce five children,
although one will be mentally retarded. You
will be a house wife, and he wil own a music
store. Your love for eachother is immense and
nothing can bring you apart.

Which random guy will you marry? (.pics.)
brought to you by Quizilla

as usual... can't sleep again... and did the quiz on quizilla again. i really did some workout 2day. 1 hr of badminton + 2 rounds of the track in school. now my body really hurts! argh! neway, jus now tupai and his family went to dine at pizza hut causeway point... its e first time i saw him... hahaha not bad lar... very abang2 but chill ar... went straight back home after work. now saturday plan is ruined... what would i be doing on saturday? should i or shouldnt i ..... *haiz* gonna start doing my video production tomorrow... hope its gonna b fine...
cheers!!

starry starry nite....

2004-08-17T13:39:00.000+08:00

star lite,star bright first star i seen tonite,wish i may,wish i mite,haf a wish i wished tonite... :)another boring monday nite, as usual im online again... seem day by day my life is getting boring.. i tot it will be fun when u grow older but i guess the loads n hassles of life is really getting on to me.. neway a message for u kids who are still 16.. enjoy ur life while u still can and PLEASE do not act like an overaged teenager. u gonna fuckin regret!!! neway i really mis "YOU".... fuckin alot... :( jus hope to c u on the outside soon...

Cocktail

?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Cheers!! :)

boring.life

2004-08-17T05:10:00.000+08:00

finally i managed to somehow edit the layout of my blog. im in class now... gonna haf a stupid test soon... haiz.... and i don know shit... fuck man! neway, i already developed my holga pics.got my photo and hairy hobbit... kinda swit though :) well there were several pics wit multi-exposure and it certainly looks gd.. gonna upload it as soon as aliff scanned it for me... so hold on aite! i gtg for now... e fucking test gonna start soon... cheers!!

YeAH!

2004-07-14T10:24:00.000+08:00

Hey... my first entry... actually i dun really know how this thing works... but i shall try.. hehehe Hie to all you people out there! this is my SHOUTOUT!